Review: Chelping at The Leeds Library, 15/09/2022

If I do not choose my words carefully, I may make it sound as if Matt Abbott’s “Chelping” events at The Leeds Library represent a clique. They do not. They are welcoming, inclusive, and open to all, regardless of your previous experience of poetry.

But, for me, personally, these events often have a lot of familiarity.

The headliner was the eminent Helen Mort, a poet, performer, and academic. When Helen Mort was in residence at the University of Leeds, she ran a project called ‘Leads to Leeds’, in which poets were paired, to write a poetic conversation consisting of four pieces from each contributor. I was selected for this project and, by coincidence, the poet I was paired with was Matthew Hedley Stoppard, the support act for this performance. I have performed at the same venue, on the same day, as Helen Mort (The School Room, Haworth). I have performed on the same stage, in the same line-up, as Matthew Hedley Stoppard.

The open mic at this event was of mixed quality, which is exactly what open mic should be. I did not write down the contributor’s names, but the woman who went on first was excellent, and I would pay to hear her, again.

For the rest, it suffices to say that it was engaging and varied, and Death To All Preambles. The four most important words in contemporary spoken word performance are: Get On With It.

Matthew Hedley Stoppard certainly got on with it. I love his work. Despite existing in the wrong decade (1950s? 1930?) MHS is an absolutely contemporary poet whose irritating self-deprecation does not get in the way of the cutting edge of his insight. His long titles have a kind of Half Man Half Biscuit quality. They are another way he demonstrates his mastery of the words he is using.

His performance was an unforgettable experience, and not just for the poems he recited. For a start, he is the only performer I have ever seen who got more nervous as he went on. It takes a certain kind of genius to do that. Yes, MHS. Genius. You.

Matt Abbott showed his skill as an organiser and compere by booking MHS on the same bill as Helen Mort, because the kind of verbal skill was matched, as were some of the geographical references.

Both MHS and Helen Mort have learnt a basic lesson about performance poetry: have a visual image to project. (I have one: I call it ‘The world’s worst children’s entertainer’.) MHS’s is Kingsley Amis’s Jim Dixon, re-booted. Helen Mort’s is biker jacket, pixie hair, blah-di-blah. I am not qualified as a fashion correspondent, but I have seen Debbie Harry, and Helen Mort reminds me of her, not in any kind of physical resemblance, but in the clarity and immediacy of the image.

Helen Mort’s performance left me wondering how to go away and completely re-think my approach to poetry. I probably can’t, but this performance certainly gave me things to think about. That is why I go to spoken word events (ones that I am not performing in): to be stretched.

Helen Mort’s commentary on how long it was going to be before her train to Sheffield only added to the experience. Poetry is a living thing. Poetry is about whether you are going to get home.

1: My reaction to the economic crisis in the UK: child nutrition

I have deliberately numbered this post, because it won’t be the only one.
We have begun to hear about school dinner ladies who are having to limit the amount of food they can provide to children, because of some bollocks directive.

I don’t quite know how to put this, but, for a start, it is not in the interests of wider society to have malnourished children: children who are anywhere near malnutrition.

Infant malnutrition is not a belated birthday card: it is something that cannot be put right, later. It is the worst disaster that can befall humanity.

To the Conservatives, what I now refer to on social media as #KonseЯvativs, I say: you are bringing us towards the last days. Not content with selling playing fields, closing down libraries, turning NHS services over to US-based profiteers, you are seemingly determined to take the violence and contempt manifested by The Battle of Orgreave, and Hillsborough, and systematically inflict it on children.

#KonseЯvativs: you may be content to sit on a branch, while you are sawing it off, but the population of the United Kingdom is neither going to participate in this self-destruction, nor sit by while you do it.

Children must come first. If there were to be only 1 child in the UK who did not have enough to eat, 100 well-paid, well-trained professionals should be given the job of finding that child.
As things are, the professionals have their work cut out, and they do not have the support of Central Government.

The people want to feed children, but the government does not.

My reaction to the death of Queen Elizabeth II

I am a socialist, but I am also an empathetic human being. I understand that millions of people, all around the world, will be upset by the death of Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II.

It is not appropriate at this time for me to try to lecture people on the subject of my views on the UK monarchy. It suffices for present purposes to say that constitutional monarchy (the UK) beats the heck out of absolute monarchy (Saudi Arabia).

As regards her individual persona, as opposed to her position as part of a hereditary system, I see no reason to doubt that Her Majesty was a conscientious person, who believed in turning up, and getting the job (even if it was in the interests of the ruling class) done. I am told that she holds the all-time record for the most miles travelled by a head of state.

I am also led to believe that, until old age dulled the edge of her faculties, she read through many despatch boxes, and knew how to read between the lines.

Further, that she did not like Mrs Thatcher. If that is true, then that is one thing that Her Majesty and I have in common.

It suffices for present purposes to say this:

Despite her family’s private wealth, and despite her family’s completely anomalous position in public life in the UK, which ultimately results from the Norman Conquest, one of the most oppressive events in European history:

I am prepared to accept that Elizabeth Alexandra Mary was a public servant, who made a lot of personal sacrifices, and who genuinely believed in the regime that she represented.

She was insulated from considerations to do with personal wealth, because her family was already fabulously wealthy.

Be that as it may.

If you want my opinion upon the death of Her Majesty, I say this:

HM Elizabeth II was a public servant, who believed that she was working for something that would outlast her. She believed in a polity, not just her own career, or bank account. In that regard, she makes every member of the current (as at 11/09/2022) #KonseЯvativs look like a total spiv.

HM Elizabeth II also did what she believed was right to keep together the union of the United Kingdom, and the Commonwealth. She did better with the Commonwealth than she did with the Union. Again, be that as it may.

In summary:

Ma’am: if I had had to choose any actually existing, unelected head of state, I would have chosen you, every day of the week, and twice on Sundays.

If I had had a choice of the method of government over my own life, and the lives of the people around me, I would not have chosen constitutional monarchy. I would have chosen anarcho-syndicalist councils, based on work-places, and housing, at which point we would not have been singing your athem: we would have been dividing up your assets, which we created, and which belong to us.