iamhyperlexic

Contemporary short fiction, poetry and more

Monthly Archives: December 2014

William Thirsk-Gaskill prose fiction critique bingo

Lose all the semi-colons.

 

Are you telling two stories, or one?

 

I love the title, but hate the story. Try re-writing this from a different point of view.

 

Show.  Don’t tell.

 

Is this important?

 

Get rid of the ellipses.

 

Break this down into shorter sentences.

 

This paragraph tells the reader nothing he/she doesn’t already know.

 

You seem to be engaged in what is known in cricketing circles as, ‘Taking a long run-up’.

 

The foot of this page is where the story really starts.

 

Get on with it. I hate this character.  Well done. Good use of detail. Why isn’t this in a standard format?
Yes. I love the story, but hate the title. Death to all modifiers. Now I am getting interested. I wish I had written this.
Your limited-omniscience third person narrator has ideas above its station.

 

Have you considered writing for Mills & Boon (no irony)? Now we are getting somewhere. Publish.

 

I’d like to buy this character a drink.
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